Almost a year later....

Almost a year later and I have found my answer.... it is time for me to move on.  As moving day approaches, my stomach is tied in knots.  Another move, another adjustment.  Or is it, a new opportunity, a new adventure?  The truth is, it is all about perspective.  Moving to the NYC area was an adventure, an exciting new time in my life.  Moving to the Washington DC area is about embarking on what I have found out about myself in NYC.  I discovered who I am and what I want.  Transition and change are scary even if it is a great thing.  Once again letting go of what is familiar to exchange it for the chance to discover and make another familiar.  Here I am, all packed up.... anticipating...

Big decision on the horizon.....

Is it that I am not accepting and realize I really enjoy the life I am living or is it that I am afraid to live the life I want to live?  Have I completely lost myself in my career because I really am not happy with the way my personal life has gone?  Am I afraid to have quiet time to enjoy life because I just don't want to face the life that has let me down?  These questions are brought about by a big decision I will be making in the coming days.  I have an amazing opportunity to embark on an amazing adventure and help people at the same time, but I am afraid to take that step.  I am afraid of the unknown, I am afraid of feeling vulnerable and out of control.  Fear can be paralizing, yet pulls me into a deep contemplation.  What is my next step?  I stand here at a cross road, looking in both directions and wondering where each path will take me.  Now, I ask myself, which path will I choose?

Words of wisdom to live by.... Life Lessons for Lydia

For Lydia.... Change can be a good thing, but you are reluctant to change.  You are stuck in your ways.  You like the comfort of routine and habit.  You don't like to veer away from what is working for you, but sometimes you become so fearful of change that you fool yourself into thinking that something is working when it isn't working all that well at all.  You've been in denial about something.  You don't like something about yourself....the universe is encouraging transformation.  It is time to evolve, Lydia.  If you gracefully give yourself over to this chance, you will have a great capacity for happiness.

In the enchanted spirit of the season, the universe is tuning in to your secret dreams and wishes.  You may be disillusioned or disappointed with life right now, but you are about to receive a gift that will quell your fears, bring you joy, an ultimately reignite your belief in magic.  Do not question, embrace and enjoy.  A new path is opening, one of abundance, prosperity, love, and peace.... it is time to receive it.

A generation of entitlement.......

I am not one to voice political or societal opinions because I am a person of reason and believe that everyone has something to say and the need to be heard.  With that said, these rallies happening around the country have me shaking my head.  I come from a long line of hardships.  I was not handed anything to get where I am today, nor did I expect a handout.  I grew up on a farm.  At an early age years, when little girls were discovering the world through play, barbies, and innocence to life's hardships, I was learning about losing a parent, bankruptcy, and the fear of wondering if we could afford food.  My family did not sit back and wait for someone to take care of us, nor did we expect anyone to take responsibility for the misfortune that fell upon us.  We learned to do whatever it took to work hard and survive.
During my college years, I fell ill.  The disease progressively got worse, however, I still worked, attended college classes, and put myself through school.  I am one of those people who are making an excellent living and one of those people who those protestors shove their signs in my face.... expecting an easier life. This is what I call the disease of entitlement.  It makes me sick to see NYC filled with people who expect others to make it happen for them. I have overcome bankruptcy, the loss of a parent, my own life threatening illness, and many other hardships along the way.  What I just don't get is, if I can do all of that, why do others expect an easy path to the top??  Because I chose to work hard and sacrifice, why am I expected to pay for those who choose not to exercise drive and motivation to make it happen??
This blog post may really hit a sore spot in friends, but to be honest, all this protesting has disregarded what it takes to make it and achieve the "American Dream"

It's the Little Things.....

In a city that never sleeps, has 18.9 million people cramed into 6,720 square feet, and is known for it's obnoxious cab drivers, one would think that the little things mean absolutely nothing.  Wrong my friend, it is the little things that mean absolutely everything to me in my day.  From the newspaper guy at the Ferry Terminal in Hoboken who is obsessed about sports and will always lend an ear to a gal from WI because the Packers are AMAZING, to the construction/security worker on 57th and 2nd who always has a Good Morning for me as I walk by in the wee hours of the morning on my way to work, that is what makes NYC feel like home.  It is the familiar within such an unfamiliar, impersonal city that makes me feel like I belong, like I am home. 

Ok, enough day dreaming.... it is time to get back to the grind!

Cheers :-)

Old Friends... New Friends...

As I am coming upon 3 years in my diggs, I am realizing that the people I meet here are nothing like the people who I grew up with.  There is something about growing up in a small community (which has its advantages and disadvantages) and sharing those life milestones that shape you as an adult.  To my surprise, the relationships that I left in Wisconsin, have only grown stronger since moving.  As social networking sites have emerged, keeping in touch is now at my fingertips.  The new people I meet here have no idea who I am unless I tell them.  The people who I grew up with shared those life experiences with me and words are not needed.  This poses a challenge for me.  I long for those in my new life to know me, however, have not experienced the real shaping events that took place in my life.  I find myself feeling disconnected and sad at times because most people here just don't "get me".  Whether I tell people I lost my father at a young age or survived a horrific life threatening illness, I find that I truly miss being surrounded by those who shared those experiences.  Telling and sharing are completely different.  The reality is, I have moved and started a new life here in NYC, but old friends have not been forgotten. In fact, I now treasure those people even more.  I continue to make new friends and share adult life milestones here in my new home, but I no longer view it as a fresh start.  I am beginning to see it as a continuation of the life I am blessed with. :-)

A Decade Later..... We Reflect.....

The famous words... "Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?" resonate inside my heart and outside my window.  I do ask the question, "where were you"?   As I reflect on 10 years ago, I am reminded that things do not stay the same.  I was fighting for my life as innocent people lost theirs' instantly.  I now live in the very area where this tragedy started.  I look outside my window and I see New York City.  I now make the same commute as many of those who lost their life that day.  On this day as  we all remember, reflect, and shed a tear for the lives lost and the miraculous survival stories, we privately ask ourselves, "why?" Why was I spared?, why did this happen? or why does it feel as tough our country/government has lost sight of this tragedy?   The "whys" of this world are rarely ever answered.  As I listen to the names of all who were lost, tears fill my eyes.  I see pain, grief, and sadness from the family members as each of them announce. with honor, the names of the fallen. The reality is, we will never be the same, we will never forget, and we will stand against hate and terrorism.  An unsaid resilience exists in NYC.  A resilience that speaks grief, strength, and perseverance. In the honor of all who have been lost, may we as Americans remember to live each day filled with faith, love, and hope.  The greatest being love.

We Will Never Forget
-9/11/2001