Words of wisdom to live by.... Life Lessons for Lydia

For Lydia.... Change can be a good thing, but you are reluctant to change.  You are stuck in your ways.  You like the comfort of routine and habit.  You don't like to veer away from what is working for you, but sometimes you become so fearful of change that you fool yourself into thinking that something is working when it isn't working all that well at all.  You've been in denial about something.  You don't like something about yourself....the universe is encouraging transformation.  It is time to evolve, Lydia.  If you gracefully give yourself over to this chance, you will have a great capacity for happiness.

In the enchanted spirit of the season, the universe is tuning in to your secret dreams and wishes.  You may be disillusioned or disappointed with life right now, but you are about to receive a gift that will quell your fears, bring you joy, an ultimately reignite your belief in magic.  Do not question, embrace and enjoy.  A new path is opening, one of abundance, prosperity, love, and peace.... it is time to receive it.

A generation of entitlement.......

I am not one to voice political or societal opinions because I am a person of reason and believe that everyone has something to say and the need to be heard.  With that said, these rallies happening around the country have me shaking my head.  I come from a long line of hardships.  I was not handed anything to get where I am today, nor did I expect a handout.  I grew up on a farm.  At an early age years, when little girls were discovering the world through play, barbies, and innocence to life's hardships, I was learning about losing a parent, bankruptcy, and the fear of wondering if we could afford food.  My family did not sit back and wait for someone to take care of us, nor did we expect anyone to take responsibility for the misfortune that fell upon us.  We learned to do whatever it took to work hard and survive.
During my college years, I fell ill.  The disease progressively got worse, however, I still worked, attended college classes, and put myself through school.  I am one of those people who are making an excellent living and one of those people who those protestors shove their signs in my face.... expecting an easier life. This is what I call the disease of entitlement.  It makes me sick to see NYC filled with people who expect others to make it happen for them. I have overcome bankruptcy, the loss of a parent, my own life threatening illness, and many other hardships along the way.  What I just don't get is, if I can do all of that, why do others expect an easy path to the top??  Because I chose to work hard and sacrifice, why am I expected to pay for those who choose not to exercise drive and motivation to make it happen??
This blog post may really hit a sore spot in friends, but to be honest, all this protesting has disregarded what it takes to make it and achieve the "American Dream"

It's the Little Things.....

In a city that never sleeps, has 18.9 million people cramed into 6,720 square feet, and is known for it's obnoxious cab drivers, one would think that the little things mean absolutely nothing.  Wrong my friend, it is the little things that mean absolutely everything to me in my day.  From the newspaper guy at the Ferry Terminal in Hoboken who is obsessed about sports and will always lend an ear to a gal from WI because the Packers are AMAZING, to the construction/security worker on 57th and 2nd who always has a Good Morning for me as I walk by in the wee hours of the morning on my way to work, that is what makes NYC feel like home.  It is the familiar within such an unfamiliar, impersonal city that makes me feel like I belong, like I am home. 

Ok, enough day dreaming.... it is time to get back to the grind!

Cheers :-)

Old Friends... New Friends...

As I am coming upon 3 years in my diggs, I am realizing that the people I meet here are nothing like the people who I grew up with.  There is something about growing up in a small community (which has its advantages and disadvantages) and sharing those life milestones that shape you as an adult.  To my surprise, the relationships that I left in Wisconsin, have only grown stronger since moving.  As social networking sites have emerged, keeping in touch is now at my fingertips.  The new people I meet here have no idea who I am unless I tell them.  The people who I grew up with shared those life experiences with me and words are not needed.  This poses a challenge for me.  I long for those in my new life to know me, however, have not experienced the real shaping events that took place in my life.  I find myself feeling disconnected and sad at times because most people here just don't "get me".  Whether I tell people I lost my father at a young age or survived a horrific life threatening illness, I find that I truly miss being surrounded by those who shared those experiences.  Telling and sharing are completely different.  The reality is, I have moved and started a new life here in NYC, but old friends have not been forgotten. In fact, I now treasure those people even more.  I continue to make new friends and share adult life milestones here in my new home, but I no longer view it as a fresh start.  I am beginning to see it as a continuation of the life I am blessed with. :-)

A Decade Later..... We Reflect.....

The famous words... "Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?" resonate inside my heart and outside my window.  I do ask the question, "where were you"?   As I reflect on 10 years ago, I am reminded that things do not stay the same.  I was fighting for my life as innocent people lost theirs' instantly.  I now live in the very area where this tragedy started.  I look outside my window and I see New York City.  I now make the same commute as many of those who lost their life that day.  On this day as  we all remember, reflect, and shed a tear for the lives lost and the miraculous survival stories, we privately ask ourselves, "why?" Why was I spared?, why did this happen? or why does it feel as tough our country/government has lost sight of this tragedy?   The "whys" of this world are rarely ever answered.  As I listen to the names of all who were lost, tears fill my eyes.  I see pain, grief, and sadness from the family members as each of them announce. with honor, the names of the fallen. The reality is, we will never be the same, we will never forget, and we will stand against hate and terrorism.  An unsaid resilience exists in NYC.  A resilience that speaks grief, strength, and perseverance. In the honor of all who have been lost, may we as Americans remember to live each day filled with faith, love, and hope.  The greatest being love.

We Will Never Forget
-9/11/2001

Blessings, Blessings, and MORE Blessings!

As I reflect on the last week, I think, "wow, what a whirlwind!"  A week ago, I was on my way to my family reunion in Lomira Wisconsin.  During my really quick visit home, I was fortunate to see many loved ones.  I also had the opportunity to make peace and let go of past memories.  I was able to let go of all the hurt and move on.  What a blessing that was.  I was reunited with  many aunts, uncles, and cousins who I haven't seen in 10 or so years.  Thinking of how blessed I am to have a family full of color and personality brings a tear to my eye.  I had my first dinner with 2 of my sisters.  We sat and told stories, laughed, and loved each other.  This not only brings a tear, it brings a well of tears.  My sisters are one of the most important things to me in this world!  To be sharing time with each other has BLESSING written all over it!!  Sunday morning was spent kayaking, coffee, and breakfast with close and dear friends.  I then hopped on a plane to come back to the east coast only to pack up my remaining things to move into my dream condo!  A few minutes ago, I opened the last box.  As I write, I sit on my couch gazing out across the beautiful view I have of the Hudson River.  I ask myself the question,  "What on earth did I do to be so blessed in this life?"  I love and feel loved, I have success and happiness in my grasp.  I have come to terms with the past and now soar towards the future.  My story is of inspiration and hope.  When all odds were against me, I challenged those odds and am so thankful I did!!

My Family

In a matter of 1 hour I received news of an upcoming Family Reunion in my home state of Wisconsin and had my ticket booked.  I stopped to think for a moment how this would effect me financially, as I had to put it on my credit card, but it didn't matter.  I truly believe that my priorities are in the right order and I will reap many more benefits spending time with those I care about.  I haven't seen many since I had been really ill 10 years ago and our reunions seem to happen only at funerals.  I am so excited to go to the farm I have dear, yet, distance memories of from childhood.  I look forward to the laughs we will have, tears we will shed, and love we will share.  I also look forward to being around those people and places I shared with my father.  I know he will be with us in spirit as will the other family we have lost.  My love to all my family near and far!!!

If I weren't me, would I want to be like me...?

As I sit here at work and reflect upon the day I have had.... believe me, its been a day, I asked myself the question, "If I were not me, would I want to be like me"?  Lately, I have been what I would call a disaster.  I don't feel on top of things and at times and feel as though someone has taken a bat to my knees knocking me off balance sending me tumbling to the ground.  After a bit of grumbling, I pull myself back upright just to have the same thing happen again.  Life experience has taught me that I am not the only person to experience this patterned torment.  In other words, I am not one only person out there with the title of "Manager" in the world.  Over the years I have had my share of "bosses", some good, some not so good and some down right nasty.  On a side note...True story... I had a boss who, years later, wrote to a regional church organization accusing me of having an affair with a particular individual who was happily married.  After the fact, I found out she had some sort of sickly fatal attraction to the man and was jealous I was friends with him..... ya, I know what your thinking... COO KOO!!!  Anyways, back to my thoughts.... My question to myself is, am I the type of manager I myself would have respect for?  Do I handle situations with a quiet, yet strong leadership intent?  Do I resonate fear of challenging tasks?  Bottom line, being a manager is tough stuff and doing it respectibly is even tougher.  After my day today, I don't want to be a manager, but I think after a night of contemplation and reflection, I may wake up tomorrow with a new perspective and understanding of who I am in the world of managment:)

My Life as an Artist....

My life as an artist continues to evolve and my passion for color becomes stronger as I complete each painting.  Each painting is unique, each has it's own beginning with an unknown end.  I struggle with using "safe" colors and challenging myself with "risky" ones.  One might say this reflects my life's discord between my need for adventure and my need for security.

Lydia Rosenbaum
Art, Design, and Everything In between
www.lydiarosenbaum.com

Feeling the Hate??

*Warning!! Soap Box Alert*!!!

How do you react when you come across a person who "seems" to have it all together and living the dream?  Are you happy for the person?  Are you jealous?  Are you jealous and hate?
As I meet new people and keep in touch with old friends, I observe people's reactions as I  describe my life.  The reactions range from extreme happiness to extreme obsessive dislike for me. For those who react with the latter,  many assumptions about me are made.  One being,  I am obsessed with being vainly thin. Another that comes to mind,  my life is and has been easy.  I have one word, REALLY??   Ok, humor me for a moment.  I am going to outline the major events of my life....

1975 - I was born into this world
1984 - Family business went bankrupt
         - My father died 3 months into the bankruptcy
1995 - Diagnosed with a severe pancreatic illness and ended up in the hospital for weeks
1996 - Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease
1997 - Surgery # 1,2
1998 - Surgery # 3, 4, 5, 6
         - Graduated with a Bachelor's degree
1999 - Surgery # 7, 8, 9
2000 - Surgery # 10, 11,12
2001 - Surgery # 13, 14
         - Married
         - Hospitalized for 4 months
         - Considered "Disabled" by the Federal Government = Not able to work due to "palliative" disease
2002 - Hospitalized for 6 months
         - NPO Status (nothing by mouth for 18 months)
         - Underwent Autologous Bone Marrow Transplantation
2005 - Returned to Work
2006 - Filed for Divorce
         - Surgery #15
2007 - Divorce Finalized
2008 - Entered Master's Degree Program
         - Moved from Milwaukee, WI to NYC
2010 - Graduated with a Master's Degree
         - Experienced a partial obstruction on a flight from NYC to Tampa, FL = Hosptialized for days


As much as I wish I were making part of that outline up, I did not.  I have had to fight and work for everything in my life.  Easy is not apart of my vocabulary, nor used to describe my life.  What I do have is motivation, determination, and perseverance.  Many of you do not know what it is like to lay in a hospital bed day after day realizing that the life you once dreamed of is over.  I had to face dying at 26 years old people!!  I had to face days of fevers over 105 degrees... when I closed my eyes, I wondered if I would wake up.
I challenge you to do this: The next time you meet someone or get back into touch with an old friend, pay attention to how you react to them.  If you feel any sort of jealously or dislike, consider the possibility that this person possesses the courage to live her dreams that you do not.  Own that realization and get off your butt and do something about it!! I challenge you to let people inspire you and learn from their determination.  Comparing yourself to another person is your choice, don't make it my problem!  Make sense??  My success and ability to overcome life's obstacles has nothing to do with your lack of.   The choices in my life have taken courage and risk.  I have made mistakes and failed at some things in my life, however, I have not let mistakes and failures determined my next steps.  I choose to live my life each day, just as everybody has that choice.  Own your choices!!  Don't blame others for what life has "dished" you.  I have bad days, I have sad days, I cry.. etc.  I am me, just as you are you.  Why hate on me for being me??????

The truth about Valentine's Day.....should it really exist??

The history of St Valentine's Day, from its pre-Christian origins, involving nudity and whipping, to its present incarnation as a commercialized free-for-all driving huge sales of chocolate, flowers and jewelry.  In ancient Rome, 13, 14 and 15 February were celebrated as Lupercalia, a pagan fertility festival where young men would sacrifice an animal and use the animal's skin to make whips to spank the backsides of young women in order to improve their fertility.  How the "holiday" made it from here to what it is now is somewhat of a debate.  One of the most famous explanations of the transition came from a priest by the name of Valentine of Rome who was a martyr and while in jail he was said to have fallen in love with his jailer's daughter and he died on 14 February, but I have my doubts on this rendition.  As with many holidays, religious and non religious meanings for each exist.  You have Christmas symbolized as Christ's birth and as the night that Santa Claus flies around the world with his reindeer delivering toys to good little girls and boys.  Easter is symbolized by the rising of the savior, Jesus Christ, and by a bunny hopping about dropping pretty decorated eggs and little sugary bits of goodness called peeps.  Based on this evidence, I see Valentine's day as a pagan's holiday with a religious twist.  With any holiday, the commercialized market cashes in.  Present day Valentine's Day generates an estimated $14.7 billion in retail sales in the United States.  I believe that this figure is a close estimate to the US national debt (no, I am not even opening the door for a discussion of politics).  With that said, the question I ask is, what does Valentine's day do for us?  For those who are single, it involves a mad dash to find a date, for those who are in a relationship, it involves a mad dash to find that perfect gift.  WOW... now that's a lot of pressure!!!  Not to be a pessimist, but really??  Do we really need to designate a day partner'd folk feel the need to make the other feel special?  Why not make that a goal for everyday of the year??  Why does it take a holiday called Valentine's day and 14 billion dollars to celebrate the love people have for each other?  On another note, this is a tough world for those of who are single and let's face it, Valentine's day is the most dreaded day of the year.  I have to ask, WHY?  Why do we celebrate this day??

Coming of Age..... at 35

Many don't know my entire story...at the age of 19, I paused my life to begin a battle of survival.  Most of my 20's I was in and out of hospitals, living an entire year in a hospital and going 18 months without eating.  I managed to finish college, but there was a sharp decline after that.  I would not resurface to my life until the ripe old age of 30.  Can you imagine falling asleep at 19 and waking up at 30?  On one hand I think,  I will never get that time back and will sitting around sulking about it make up for it, but on the other, I think that if I change my perspective slightly and own that experience, I mean really own it, I will metamorphosize into limitless possibilities. I feel as if I am coming of age at 35.  New York City has given me permission to be my own person.  When I first moved here, I did not know who she was.  With that permission the past 2 years have been about finding her.  In the past, I defined myself by comparisons to others, but the beauty of this great city is that it does not allow you to define yourself by others.  To survive in NYC, you must stand in front of that mirror and really look at yourself and begin to love the reflection because of what you see, not what you are compared to.  Thank you NYC.....
The bottom line (I love bottom lines) is that I was sick for a decade and did not have a "normal" life.  I am not the type of person who is going to settle down, get married and have 2.5 kids.  I am fueled by my past to seek many adventures in my future.  Finally, I am content to be me.

Welcoming 2011.... Resolutions?? I don't think so....

A new year means a new start which prompts people to make "New Year Resolutions".  I'm not one of those who fall into this trap!  In my mind, Resolutions = temporary.  I prefer the "action" school of thought, therefore I made a 2011 bucket list.  If I were to parish on 12.31.2011, these are the things I would have like to have done in the year 2011.  You are probably wondering what this 2011 bucket list consists of.  Well, for starters, I would like to put up a "Geek Alert" for many of you who live life's adventures through me:-).  First on my list is to read a book about one of our nation's presidents.   I chose Andrew Jackson.  I bought the book "American Lion" and am captivated by every word.  I'm not a politically junky or anything, but, I would like to see a few more presidents like him.  I'm not going to his life away, as I highly suggest you pick up the book and ready it!  However, I will say this.... I never thought I would relate with a president as much as I do Andrew Jackson!  Anyways, onto my next item on my list.  I have been playing around with the Spanish language for some time.  I have decided that this is the year to step up to the plate and learn the language fluently.  This is going to require hours of listening and studying, but, once again, its not a resolution, its an my bucket list!  Item number 3 is related to my artwork.  In the year 2011, I will show my art publicly at least once.  For those of you who know me very well, my art has always been very private, so for me to take it public is a HUGE challenge for me, and so we shall put in on the list as challenges are meant to be overcome.  Item number 4 is to get by butt back to Europe.  I have been looking at different tours and trip options, now its just getting everything in order to book!  Number 5 is still under development.  I am toying with a few things, however, I have not made a final decision.  To my audience..... any suggestions??

Happy New Year to you All!