Great Expectations.....

I have been thinking a lot about expectations and what my expectations are of life.  I have come to realize that my expectations have been set extremely high ever since I can remember.  As I reflect back on the last 35 1/2 years, I can honestly say that having high expectations hasn't resulted in a completely satisfied life.  In fact, my expectations have left me being somewhat discontent with how my life has played out.  I lost my father at 9 years old... my high expectation of a family was deflated then and has left me disappointed for 26 years.  The expectation that I would be settled down at 35 years old with a family of my own has left me once again disappointed. The expectations I held for NYC were so high, it took me a year to overcome the immense feeling of intimidation I felt for the city.   I don't mean to come across depressed and unsatisfied with life, I am really happy and satisfied with the things I have overcome and achieved over the years and the friends/family I have.  In fact, I feel truly blessed in so many different ways.  However, what I do want to emphasize is that "expectations" may in fact, be over rated.  I find I am most satisfied with my life when I make the most of each moment each day.  If I strive to make the most of each opportunity and just live life, I will not be disappointed by what I expected, because the "anticipated expectation" will not longer exist!  So from here on forward, I here by excuse all future expectations.  I will live each moment of my life making the most of each minute of every day. 

Single and the City

I never imagined I would be living here for 2 years and still with the single tag hanging off my ear.  Not that I came here only to look for love, but it was part of the reason.  I thought that maybe I would meet someone more worldly with experiences that he could teach me about.  So far, I have come up empty handed.  I am not one of those romanticists who dreams of a prince riding up on a white horse to save me from my life.  Frankly, I like my life.  What I am is a realist.  A simple gesture like paying for a cab to take me home, drawing a bath for me after a tough day or planning a little surprise afternoon filled with coffee and a hike.  A good friend of mine text me yesterday telling me, "Don't Settle, You deserve the Best!"  I agree 100% with this, however, I am starting to doubt its existence.  Does the best exist?  Is someone strong enough to love me?  If this man does not exist in NYC, where on earth does he exist? 

I was speaking with one of my best east coast friends last night and we were talking about the ability of love to last.  Is is realistic to think about living with another person for the rest of your life in peace and harmony?  People change as they grow, therefore, is it realistic to think that one person can satisfy us for our entire lives? Is the simplicity of living the single life given up to quickly to live a life with someone else?  Let's face it, when you live your life with someone else, joint decisions have to be made and both parties will not agree on everything.  Being in a life partnership may mean giving up the power of choice, isn't that the definition of compromise?  Relationships aren't all that different in NYC, in fact, they are similar to relationships all over.  The bottom line question is.... is living with a partner worth giving up a single life full of doing whatever you want, whenever you want?  I think the answer to this question can definitely be answered in a different way living in NYC.....

These are a few of my favorite things....

NYC is an intense place to inhabit, however, the city challenges me to push my limits to achieve things I have only dreamed of achieving, both personally and professionally.   As some of you know, I have a stubborn streak and when I want to get somewhere, I want to get to that somewhere NOW.  Well, in NYC, I have had to learn (and somedays relearn) that I am on NYC's time clock.  What is this NYC time clock?  Well, its the massive traffic jams when the UN is in session and all who are important in the world reside within 5 blocks of my office, the 6 subway train that is the "local" north/south train all of a sudden becomes express at Grand Central and the only way to know that is to listen to the kind and soothing female automated voice informing me "the next stop is 14th street".  I less than politely ask this automated voice, "Soooo what happened to the definition of local and the existence of the 33rd, 28th, and 23st stops??"  Of course I don't get an answer, so I leap off the train just shy of the closing doors and I feel myself looking back over my shoulder to give the subway train the look of death.   To sum it up, I am not getting anywhere in the time frame I wanted to.  I have also learned to push my "personal space" boundaries.  In NYC, there is no 3 feet courtesy rule.  Most days, I am happy if I don't have someone's backpack shoved into me or someone relieving himself on the train.  See... I am growing!!  This brings me to what I love most about this city.  This morning I was taking the 1st ferry back to Hoboken from NYC, so I walked to the ferry bus stop with my yummy Gingerbread Latte in hand.  There were a few tourists, which I find really enjoyable on a Sunday morning (to all who think I dislike all tourists... you are wrong!!), available taxis, enough room to walk on the sidewalk without challenging the oncoming sidewalk traffic, and a smile on my face.  I love the city on a Sunday morning.  I love the peace that ironically exists in the city that never sleeps.  For a moment, I fall in love with the city.  For a moment, I don't want to be anywhere else.  For a moment, I call NYC my home.