A Decade Later..... We Reflect.....

The famous words... "Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?" resonate inside my heart and outside my window.  I do ask the question, "where were you"?   As I reflect on 10 years ago, I am reminded that things do not stay the same.  I was fighting for my life as innocent people lost theirs' instantly.  I now live in the very area where this tragedy started.  I look outside my window and I see New York City.  I now make the same commute as many of those who lost their life that day.  On this day as  we all remember, reflect, and shed a tear for the lives lost and the miraculous survival stories, we privately ask ourselves, "why?" Why was I spared?, why did this happen? or why does it feel as tough our country/government has lost sight of this tragedy?   The "whys" of this world are rarely ever answered.  As I listen to the names of all who were lost, tears fill my eyes.  I see pain, grief, and sadness from the family members as each of them announce. with honor, the names of the fallen. The reality is, we will never be the same, we will never forget, and we will stand against hate and terrorism.  An unsaid resilience exists in NYC.  A resilience that speaks grief, strength, and perseverance. In the honor of all who have been lost, may we as Americans remember to live each day filled with faith, love, and hope.  The greatest being love.

We Will Never Forget
-9/11/2001

Blessings, Blessings, and MORE Blessings!

As I reflect on the last week, I think, "wow, what a whirlwind!"  A week ago, I was on my way to my family reunion in Lomira Wisconsin.  During my really quick visit home, I was fortunate to see many loved ones.  I also had the opportunity to make peace and let go of past memories.  I was able to let go of all the hurt and move on.  What a blessing that was.  I was reunited with  many aunts, uncles, and cousins who I haven't seen in 10 or so years.  Thinking of how blessed I am to have a family full of color and personality brings a tear to my eye.  I had my first dinner with 2 of my sisters.  We sat and told stories, laughed, and loved each other.  This not only brings a tear, it brings a well of tears.  My sisters are one of the most important things to me in this world!  To be sharing time with each other has BLESSING written all over it!!  Sunday morning was spent kayaking, coffee, and breakfast with close and dear friends.  I then hopped on a plane to come back to the east coast only to pack up my remaining things to move into my dream condo!  A few minutes ago, I opened the last box.  As I write, I sit on my couch gazing out across the beautiful view I have of the Hudson River.  I ask myself the question,  "What on earth did I do to be so blessed in this life?"  I love and feel loved, I have success and happiness in my grasp.  I have come to terms with the past and now soar towards the future.  My story is of inspiration and hope.  When all odds were against me, I challenged those odds and am so thankful I did!!

My Family

In a matter of 1 hour I received news of an upcoming Family Reunion in my home state of Wisconsin and had my ticket booked.  I stopped to think for a moment how this would effect me financially, as I had to put it on my credit card, but it didn't matter.  I truly believe that my priorities are in the right order and I will reap many more benefits spending time with those I care about.  I haven't seen many since I had been really ill 10 years ago and our reunions seem to happen only at funerals.  I am so excited to go to the farm I have dear, yet, distance memories of from childhood.  I look forward to the laughs we will have, tears we will shed, and love we will share.  I also look forward to being around those people and places I shared with my father.  I know he will be with us in spirit as will the other family we have lost.  My love to all my family near and far!!!

If I weren't me, would I want to be like me...?

As I sit here at work and reflect upon the day I have had.... believe me, its been a day, I asked myself the question, "If I were not me, would I want to be like me"?  Lately, I have been what I would call a disaster.  I don't feel on top of things and at times and feel as though someone has taken a bat to my knees knocking me off balance sending me tumbling to the ground.  After a bit of grumbling, I pull myself back upright just to have the same thing happen again.  Life experience has taught me that I am not the only person to experience this patterned torment.  In other words, I am not one only person out there with the title of "Manager" in the world.  Over the years I have had my share of "bosses", some good, some not so good and some down right nasty.  On a side note...True story... I had a boss who, years later, wrote to a regional church organization accusing me of having an affair with a particular individual who was happily married.  After the fact, I found out she had some sort of sickly fatal attraction to the man and was jealous I was friends with him..... ya, I know what your thinking... COO KOO!!!  Anyways, back to my thoughts.... My question to myself is, am I the type of manager I myself would have respect for?  Do I handle situations with a quiet, yet strong leadership intent?  Do I resonate fear of challenging tasks?  Bottom line, being a manager is tough stuff and doing it respectibly is even tougher.  After my day today, I don't want to be a manager, but I think after a night of contemplation and reflection, I may wake up tomorrow with a new perspective and understanding of who I am in the world of managment:)

My Life as an Artist....

My life as an artist continues to evolve and my passion for color becomes stronger as I complete each painting.  Each painting is unique, each has it's own beginning with an unknown end.  I struggle with using "safe" colors and challenging myself with "risky" ones.  One might say this reflects my life's discord between my need for adventure and my need for security.

Lydia Rosenbaum
Art, Design, and Everything In between
www.lydiarosenbaum.com

Feeling the Hate??

*Warning!! Soap Box Alert*!!!

How do you react when you come across a person who "seems" to have it all together and living the dream?  Are you happy for the person?  Are you jealous?  Are you jealous and hate?
As I meet new people and keep in touch with old friends, I observe people's reactions as I  describe my life.  The reactions range from extreme happiness to extreme obsessive dislike for me. For those who react with the latter,  many assumptions about me are made.  One being,  I am obsessed with being vainly thin. Another that comes to mind,  my life is and has been easy.  I have one word, REALLY??   Ok, humor me for a moment.  I am going to outline the major events of my life....

1975 - I was born into this world
1984 - Family business went bankrupt
         - My father died 3 months into the bankruptcy
1995 - Diagnosed with a severe pancreatic illness and ended up in the hospital for weeks
1996 - Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease
1997 - Surgery # 1,2
1998 - Surgery # 3, 4, 5, 6
         - Graduated with a Bachelor's degree
1999 - Surgery # 7, 8, 9
2000 - Surgery # 10, 11,12
2001 - Surgery # 13, 14
         - Married
         - Hospitalized for 4 months
         - Considered "Disabled" by the Federal Government = Not able to work due to "palliative" disease
2002 - Hospitalized for 6 months
         - NPO Status (nothing by mouth for 18 months)
         - Underwent Autologous Bone Marrow Transplantation
2005 - Returned to Work
2006 - Filed for Divorce
         - Surgery #15
2007 - Divorce Finalized
2008 - Entered Master's Degree Program
         - Moved from Milwaukee, WI to NYC
2010 - Graduated with a Master's Degree
         - Experienced a partial obstruction on a flight from NYC to Tampa, FL = Hosptialized for days


As much as I wish I were making part of that outline up, I did not.  I have had to fight and work for everything in my life.  Easy is not apart of my vocabulary, nor used to describe my life.  What I do have is motivation, determination, and perseverance.  Many of you do not know what it is like to lay in a hospital bed day after day realizing that the life you once dreamed of is over.  I had to face dying at 26 years old people!!  I had to face days of fevers over 105 degrees... when I closed my eyes, I wondered if I would wake up.
I challenge you to do this: The next time you meet someone or get back into touch with an old friend, pay attention to how you react to them.  If you feel any sort of jealously or dislike, consider the possibility that this person possesses the courage to live her dreams that you do not.  Own that realization and get off your butt and do something about it!! I challenge you to let people inspire you and learn from their determination.  Comparing yourself to another person is your choice, don't make it my problem!  Make sense??  My success and ability to overcome life's obstacles has nothing to do with your lack of.   The choices in my life have taken courage and risk.  I have made mistakes and failed at some things in my life, however, I have not let mistakes and failures determined my next steps.  I choose to live my life each day, just as everybody has that choice.  Own your choices!!  Don't blame others for what life has "dished" you.  I have bad days, I have sad days, I cry.. etc.  I am me, just as you are you.  Why hate on me for being me??????

The truth about Valentine's Day.....should it really exist??

The history of St Valentine's Day, from its pre-Christian origins, involving nudity and whipping, to its present incarnation as a commercialized free-for-all driving huge sales of chocolate, flowers and jewelry.  In ancient Rome, 13, 14 and 15 February were celebrated as Lupercalia, a pagan fertility festival where young men would sacrifice an animal and use the animal's skin to make whips to spank the backsides of young women in order to improve their fertility.  How the "holiday" made it from here to what it is now is somewhat of a debate.  One of the most famous explanations of the transition came from a priest by the name of Valentine of Rome who was a martyr and while in jail he was said to have fallen in love with his jailer's daughter and he died on 14 February, but I have my doubts on this rendition.  As with many holidays, religious and non religious meanings for each exist.  You have Christmas symbolized as Christ's birth and as the night that Santa Claus flies around the world with his reindeer delivering toys to good little girls and boys.  Easter is symbolized by the rising of the savior, Jesus Christ, and by a bunny hopping about dropping pretty decorated eggs and little sugary bits of goodness called peeps.  Based on this evidence, I see Valentine's day as a pagan's holiday with a religious twist.  With any holiday, the commercialized market cashes in.  Present day Valentine's Day generates an estimated $14.7 billion in retail sales in the United States.  I believe that this figure is a close estimate to the US national debt (no, I am not even opening the door for a discussion of politics).  With that said, the question I ask is, what does Valentine's day do for us?  For those who are single, it involves a mad dash to find a date, for those who are in a relationship, it involves a mad dash to find that perfect gift.  WOW... now that's a lot of pressure!!!  Not to be a pessimist, but really??  Do we really need to designate a day partner'd folk feel the need to make the other feel special?  Why not make that a goal for everyday of the year??  Why does it take a holiday called Valentine's day and 14 billion dollars to celebrate the love people have for each other?  On another note, this is a tough world for those of who are single and let's face it, Valentine's day is the most dreaded day of the year.  I have to ask, WHY?  Why do we celebrate this day??